Tuesday, March 16, 2010

My Precious Matthew

Matthew




You are my son, you were born from me

I was told to let you go, but to my heart you forever hold the key

I will never forget you, I love you too much

How I want to hold you and feel your touch

I want you to know I have never stopped the fight

To make this horrible wrong somehow turn right

Forever my son you will be

For that is how God intended it to be

A stolen treasure from my heart

When brought together we will never part

Please forgive me for believing the lie

That separated us from our mother-son tie

There has not been a day that went by

Where I did not think of you and cry

God is counting the tears

And counting the years

He will restore this to you and me

And bring together our family

I am watching and waiting to come to you my son

To bring you the truth and this battle to be won

To get back my precious one taken from me

And live out the rest of our lives here, and in eternity



I love you Matthew and always have. I never wanted this for you and WILL make this right. You were taken from me once and it will never happen again. I am on my way to you my love…….

Friday, November 20, 2009

Adoption Affliction

Continually hearing the pain of others that have been afflicted with adoption only brings new fire to me to keep on going.  It is something that so many do not understand.  The far reaching effects of it go on for years and years.  It begins to define you and everything you do.  It changes you at the very core of existance.  To heal from this is a long journey and one I have embarked on for almost 10 years.  I wonder: who would I be without this trauma that happened to me?  Would I have an ounce of my strength without it?  One thing that I am thankful for is the strength of the Lord who has picked me up many times when I could not move, when I felt as though I couldn't go on.  And yet, here I am today writing in hopes of helping even ONE woman not go through what I have.  I know one thing, that if you let the pain consume you it WILL.  It will take over you like a cancer trying to destroy you from the inside out.  I have a choice: I can let this take me over and destroy my life, or I can take this and forge forward to help others and fight against the corruption in this industry.  Things have just become SO imbalanced anymore!  Why are we telling women to give up their children?  Is it because they are truly unfit, or is it because of the stigma that comes with a single parent home?  Or maybe it is because of the growing need to fill a void with an infant baby and since there is a profit to be made the agencies are happy to oblidge and fullfill the supply and demand.  This may sound harsh, but I know first hand of the "creating of the orphan".  My son was a "created" orphan.  The "Christian" maternity home and now adoption agency I stayed at has only increased the amount of orphans.  What is the future of this tragedy?  What is the message we are sending by separating families for the most superficial of reasons?  If you are not a drug addict, alcoholic, or a severe danger to your child why should you not keep them?  Sorry to say, but no matter what age you have children you sacrice for them, that doesn't stop just because you got married, went to school, or whatever reason they give you not to keep your child.  By telling young girls that it is okay to give up on your resposibilities as a parent because you haven't finished school or that it is going to be hard is only creating a generation with a lack of regard for the family unit.  The spiritual severing that happens in adoption should only happen when absolutely necessary.  We should not be encouraging this as this is NOT what God means by telling us we are His adopted children.  Nowhere in the ENTIRETY of the bible does the Lord tell you He is not sufficient for your needs!  He says the opposite!  He tells you that He is the father to the fatherless, and also that He will never leave you or forsake you.  Does the Lord give up on you just because you don't have the perfect circumstances?  NEVER! Then WHY would He tell you to give up on keeping your child because your circumstances look less than perfect to the scrutiny of man?  Don't circumstances change?  I know for a fact that they do!  This thinking needs to change!  Only in America do we accept families being torn apart for selfish reasons.............. This truly ought not be.........

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

National Adoption Day

As a woman who was forced to place my child for adoption nearly 10 years ago, this day truly saddens me.  There are so many children who are in foster care and would love to be adopted into a home, but instead, the growing trend of infant adoption is what takes precedence.  The "true" orphan is the one who is left family-less and all alone without BOTH the mother and father.  This issue is one that really bothers me because a lot of the people who are on the infant adoption bandwagon think that an orphan is one who's parents are not married and will grow up with a single mother.  I am horrified to hear the reasons that women are not keeping their children anymore!  Are we not thinking AT ALL about the ramifications of this???  It looks pretty and rosy on the surface for the adopting couple while the "birthmom" is dying within, thinking that she is not good enough for her own child because she doesn't have a white picket fence or a marriage certificate to validate her as a "fit" mother.  Along with this comes the promise of the "open" adoption where you will be a part of your child's life as they grow up.  In my case the maternity home, adoptive parents and the attorney who represented me AND the adoptive parents, (which is illegal)  did the adoption papers as a closed adoption behind my back.  After my son was born, I was given papers to sign in the hospital while under pain meds, and pressured for him to be released before me as I was in the hospital for a few days because I was ill.  I soon realized that my illness was brought on by my immense heartache of letting my son leave my arms.  This is just a very short version of my story and I have been fighting for my son for almost 9 yrs and cannot wait for the day to come to reunite.  In the meantime I plan to fight against the corrupt maternity home/adoption agency that I went to and was manipulated out of my son.  I also am going to fight for the laws that govern adoption to be changed!  Children are not a commodity to be sold, and deserve the right to have ALL information surrounding the adoption.  You should not have to hire an attorney to gain access to your own records. I hope that as more people fight against this corrupt industry things will turn around and be what they should be: to take care of the widows and the orpans.  The TRUE orphans, not the artificially created.